dear Lord, this is a mess…

January 31, 2010 By 2 Comments
because it really is.

i received a very sweet email from a dear friend, whitney, yesterday. y’all…she’s a doll {and i’m a poet and i didn’t even know it}.

i shared with her {and a few others} some of my family’s recent struggles & worries. she replied back with words of wisdom. words that i needed to read. encouragement that i needed to get. she directed me here.

it’s funny. that particular devotional rings so true with me. i wouldn’t be surprised if it did with you all, too.

i am a do-er. i am a thinker. i am a “what if-er.” i have a tendency to try and micromanage any & all aspects of my life…even the ones that i cannot control. i have a need to feel in control…even when it’s blatantly obvious that i cannot be. so, that devotional really hit home for me.

it hit home because, in my mind, i need peace. i need peace & quiet {i’d like some at home, too, but it’s hard when you’ve got an 8 year old & a 6 year old who can & will argue about darn near everything}. but, there IS no peace…not when i’m worrying. if i could just let go and let the Lord tackle this issue for me, then i would have more time & more energy to cherish other things like my children, my husband, my family. because, seriously y’all, worrying about this {for the lack of a better word} crap is exhausting.

whitney shared a powerful bible verse with me that helps her get by in tough times:

“My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness…”
2 corinthians 12:9
what’s funny is that i have the very same bible verse pinned to my bulletin board here at home. well, it’s just a smidgen different {but you know how the different bible versions can be}:

“My strength is made perfect in weakness…”
2 corinthians 12:9
after i read whitney‘s email, i took a second glance at my bulletin board and, wouldn’t you know it, this is what else i saw:

“Cast your burden on the Lord, and He shall sustain you.”
Psalm 55:22
go figure. all the reassurance i needed was right there all along. but, of course, having the added encouragement from good friends is all the more wonderful. so, i’m going to move forward from here and not let our current strife weigh heavy on my heart {at least i’m going to try really hard not to}. if i had all of the answers or if i could foresee the future, i wouldn’t be in this situation…my family wouldn’t be in this situation. and, there is no doubt in my mind that the Lord would not give me {or my family} any more than He thought we could handle.

so perhaps there is a reason for all of this. what that reason is…i do not know just yet. i don’t want to know just yet. i’ll wait for the Lord to show me…to show us. instead, i’ll do my best to keep calm & carry on. God has been good to my family thus far…i can’t imagine He would fail me now.

like the devotional says, the first four letters of Messiah spell…yep…m-e-s-s {kinda like the word stressed is desserts spelled backwards…okay…so maybe it’s not entirely like that but when i’m cramming chocolates down my throat i find comfort in that tidbit}. i’m turning over this mess to the Lord. clearly, i’m not able to make sense of it all. i’m teetering on the verge of angry bitterness and that’s certainly not the way to solve this issue.
i truly believe that we will be okay in the end {even though it doesn’t seem like it right now}. “all you need is love” is what my husband keeps saying. ha. don’t i wish. but, perhaps he’s right. so, i’m going to be hopeful. perhaps one day i’ll be ready to forgive. but, for now, the only way i’m going to get through this is by letting the Lord handle it {because goodness knows i don’t need an ulcer right now, too}.

Filed Under: believe, blabber, C'est moi, hope, love, prayers, worry

because of you…

January 30, 2010 By 7 Comments

i’ve learned what it’s like to have my world ripped apart.

i know what it’s like to be disrespected & under appreciated.

i have never felt more rage & bitterness than i do now.

i’ve learned how NOT to be a parent.

i second guess people.

i know what it’s like to fail. badly.

i have been taken for granted. we’ve all been taken for granted.

i wouldn’t have made the decisions that i did.

i wouldn’t have acted the way that i did.

i stood up for myself. i stood up for my friends. i stood up for my family.

i learned to appreciate what i have.

i learned that you can’t always get what you want.

i sleep well at night.

i don’t miss the stress or the pressure.

i had fun.

i have good memories of better times.

i am thankful for the different opportunities.

i acquired new skills.

i excelled in what i did.

i traveled.

i really do live with no regrets.

i value my family even more.

i have my husband back.

i am truly loved.

i praise God for watching over us {not you}.

i am pursuing my dreams.

i am doing what makes me happy.

i am myself again.

Filed Under: blabber

Where in the World Wednesday

January 20, 2010 By 4 Comments
it’s that time of the week again!! you know – it’s time for some fun with classy in philadelphia as she hosts yet another weekly installment of where in the world wednesday.

{i’m on my lappy top & i’m too lazy to download the WITWW icon…please accept my apologies!}

you know the drill. post a pic of you anywhere in the world…whatever you consider to be traveling. tell us a lil’ bit about the pic and then post the link over on this week’s WITWW post at classy in philadelphia’s blog.

this week i’m sharing a photo of me & my sweetie. we didn’t travel far in this photo…we were simply a few miles up the road from our home at the virginia beach amphitheater.

the date: august 15, 2007

the concert: dave matthews band

memories of the show are kinda bittersweet {wow, my hair was really light back then!}. these were the best seats we’ve ever had for a dave show {and we’ve been going since the 1990s} – 8th row orchestra. this was also the last concert that WE saw in which musical extraordinaire, leroi moore, played with the band. he was injured in an accident & was too fragile to play with the band during 2008′s summer show and, sadly, many months before the 2009 summer show rolled around, he had passed away. but, don’t fret…we’re all still dancing with the groogrux king.

Filed Under: blogging, Classy In Philadelphia, friends, fun, memories, Travel, WITWW

the commute.

January 20, 2010 By 10 Comments
i mentioned previously that i have a killer commute.
well, compared to the 10 minute commute {from home to work} that i used to have, anything else would be considered a killer commute…but, this – oh, this – is the epitome of a killer commute {well, maybe not, but it is to me}. my fellow bloggers & friends in the hampton roads area will know what i mean. some will sympathize. some will thank their lucky stars that they don’t make the same trek daily. my theory is this…no matter where you are in our section of the mid-atlantic…the traffic sucks. it really does.
yesterday was no exception.
the drive to work was a breeze. seriously. not much base traffic {the world’s largest naval station thankyouverymuch}. no back-up or delay at the hampton roads bridge tunnel {i drive to & from work through the tunnel that is partially pictured below…yes, i drive under the water}.

{source}

the drive home was the extreme opposite {although i can’t complain too much because the tunnel wasn’t too terribly backed up}.

{source}

i made it home tuesday evening approximately twelve hours after i left home that morning and i worked an 8.5 hour day. my commute to work yesterday morning was only 45 minutes. you do the math.

yeah. back-ups near the naval base is to be expected. what i wasn’t expecting was having to go out of my way to get home because ALL the lanes of eastbound traffic on the particular section of interstate i needed to travel on to get home were stopped. it was one, big parking lot.

but, i made it. and i’ll make the same trek again thursday. and friday. and so on and so on.

{thank goodness i keep an extra drink & a snack packed in my lunch for the ride home!}

Filed Under: driving, traffic, work

work it.

January 20, 2010 By 8 Comments

today was day two for me.

two days on the job. woo hoo!

so far, so good.

i enjoy getting ‘dressed up’ for work again. and, this part-time schedule kind of works to my benefit because i only need to get ‘dressed up’ three days out of the week. ha! it’s kind of like a win-win situation because i get a long weekend & i can still act like a professional career woman.

where this job will take me…who knows. i’m hoping it will turn into something more {you know, like a full-time gig}. i think it will. i know it will. i’ve got breathing room. i’ve got room to grow. i traded in my own private office and inflated salary for a cubicle, a pay cut & a monster commute.

but…

i’m happy, i’m secure, i’m welcomed, i’m appreciated.

they smile. they say hello. they take time to get to know you. they shake hands. they stop by just to say ‘hey.’ they are patient. they are kind.

i love that i’m in an office that’s full of men & women, young & older and of all different backgrounds & cultures. i love that i have my own space to decorate. i love that i’m not the only part-timer. i love that i’m not the only parent. i love that i’m surrounded by people who value work & family…and recognize that family comes first. i love that i am part of something wonderful.

wow…and i only just completed day two. sounds crazy, huh?

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Filed Under: Babble, blabber, work
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