the one about feet.

this post is a bit apropos:  the weather is warming up & bare toes are being seen everywhere.  {of course, as i type this, it’s a chilly 51*…}

i’m weird when it comes to feet.  i know some of you are skeeved out by other people’s tootsies, but not me.  i look.  if you’re wearing flip flops or open toed shoes, i will sneak a peek at your dogs.  and, if your dogs are barking {or even howling} please let it be known that you must either cover those jokers up or head to the nearest pedi place…stat.

there are three things about feet that irritate the shit out of me:  long nails, funky skin & toes that grip.

long nails.  while some of you may enjoy having talons long fingernails, it’s totally UNacceptable to have claws for toes.  not only is it dangerous {long toe nails take “i will cut you” to a whole new level} but it’s just. plain. tacky. seriously, keep your toes trimmed.  and filed.  and buffed.


funky skin.  corns, callouses, cracked heels.  i have four words for you:  buff, buff, buff & moisturize!  i’ll admit it, my feet are not soft & smooth like a baby’s behind, but they sure as hell aren’t funky or drier than the sahara desert.  do not put your feet out on public display {read: keep your dogs in sneakers} until you’ve handled your foot business.


toes that grip.  there is absolutely NO reason for your toes to overlap the end of your sandals, flip flops, etc. and GRIP the front of your shoes.  NONE whatsoever.  you look like a dumbass.  either buy the right size shoes or just put your feet back into your sneakers.  seriously.

y’all…if you’re guilty of these three things, i’m not so sure we can be friends.  well, maybe we could.  but i would joke the crap out of you.  it’s mean, i know, but come on…feet hygiene ranks up there with, well, you get the picture.

oh, and be careful when you google pictures of feet.  guaranteed you’ll see some funky shit.  funnnnnnky.

 

 

all pictures are from here, here & here {respectively}.
all captions on the pictures are courtesy of yours truly.  

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Comments

  1. Haha, hilarious! These are SO true! I hate when I go to get a pedicure and they’re like “your nails are too short”. I’m like “uh, they’re nails, not talons … I prefer them this length”.

  2. I almost spit out my coffee when you mentioned the last one. I complain about this ALL the time. It totally creeps me out! Have any tips for cracked heels? Living in Florida I’m always in sandals. And having two little boys doesn’t leave much time for pedis these days.

  3. Feet creep me out. My husbands are the worst and I nag him to no end. And gross people. Toe grippers? Ugh!!!!

  4. I had a large number of co-workers who had “grippy toes” during the summer. How can your feet not hurt?!?!

  5. ew. just ew. feet really gross me out!!

  6. Girl You’re hilarious!

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