to whom it may concern…again.

it’s time for another round of snark in the form of not quite dear john-ish type letters…  {thank you, andrea, for always inspiring me to do these!}

dear instagram,

i’m so happy you’re finally available to droid users.  now my phone is one step closer to being as cool as an iphone.  unfortunately, i’m disappointed in you…sell out.

sincerely,
someone who hopes your format doesn’t change as often as she changes her underwear {which is daily, by the way}

dear facebook,

what the fuck?  i’m starting to think that your ceo’s goal is to take over the world.  of all the apps to buy, why instagram??  i just hope you leave well enough alone.  i’m still pissed off about the timeline bullshit.

regards,
a girl who does not like change {unless it’s underwear…you gotta change that daily}

dear chick-fil-a,

your banana pudding milkshake is really crack disguised as a frozen treat, right?  why do i ask?  because i’m hooked.  seriously, it’s all i can think about.  good thing i used instagram to take a picture.  ha ha ha.

from the girl who is currently suffering from banana pudding milkshake withdrawal symptoms.  kidding.

to the bitch in the porsche cayenne,

when there is a woman {carrying groceries} walking with two kids in a crosswalk, the idea is not to speed up & nearly mow down 3/4 of a family trying to get to a parking space that would have STILL been available if you did the right thing and stopped.  i’m sure the elderly gentleman walking behind us {with his cart full of groceries} would have agreed.

from the girl who will not hesitate to slit your low profile tires

to our friend whose truck is STILL parked in front of our home,

please come pick up your broken down vehicle.  if you can’t get a wrecker to my house soon, one of two things could possibly happen:  1)  i’ll start charging for parking & storage fees OR 2) i’m going to call the city and play dumb about the truck parked – facing the wrong way – in front of my house.  it’s been nearly two weeks.  TWO WEEKS. 

sincerely,
me

p.s. you know how grimy i can be, so i would do something about your vehicle sooner rather than later.  trust me.

dear mother nature,

please pick a temperature & stick with it.  your wishy-washy nature is killing my garden, making all of us sniffly, and is making me mad.

love,
the girl yearning for warmer temps

psst…did you enter my keurig giveaways?  there’s one for tea & one for coffee.  oh, and if you want to follow me on instagram, i’m maliasma.