my feelings about grad school, and my ultimate goal of becoming an elementary school teacher, wax & wane on a weekly basis. sometimes, i’m excited about school and my impending career. other times, i’m ready to throw in the towel. i’ve been working on a masters in education for over five years {not continuously, obviously} and i’ve dedicated the last two years of my life to finishing the degree {read: i kissed my job good-bye so i could go back to school full-time}.
currently, i’m in my last “real” semester of school, but i still feel like graduation is so far away. and, i’ll be honest, i’m ready to give up.
to walk away.
i said to my husband the other night that he and i are living the life we should have been living in our early twenties: full-time students trying to make ends meet while not drowning in debt. instead, we’re in our mid-thirties, racking up student loan debt again {me, not him…he qualified for grants}, still trying to make ends meet while not drowning in a crap load of debt WHILE raising two children.
when i think about where i should have been by this time, it makes me sad. i’m not talking about having a career or being debt-free. no, i’m talking about how i should have started student teaching by now. how, up until a few months ago, i would have been student teaching, preparing for my comprehensive exam and anticipating a december graduation.
instead, i took a step backward this summer.
i’ll admit, the break from school was nice, but not as nice as knowing i would have been finished with grad school in a few months had the university not cancelled the class i needed to take in the summer. now the finish line isn’t until may 2013. and, may 2013 feels like an eternity away. let’s just hope the day gets here. you know, because the world is supposed to come to an end this year. {i suppose if the world does end i won’t have to pay back my student loans, huh??}
anyways…
grad school. you guys just don’t know how ready i am to be done. remember what i said about sometimes feeling ready to throw in the towel? that sometime is right now. i’m ready to quit, y’all. even though i know i cannot quit.
even though i know – deep down in my heart – that i won’t quit.
I know that feeling. I had Connor and a week later 2 master’s classes started. I was raising a newborn and doing 2, 4-week classes in the summer. It was intense! Make short-term goals. The beginning of a semester is always so loaded with information and scheduling and, oh.my.gosh.how.am.i.going.to.do.it.all? Break it down so you finish two weeks, then another two weeks, and before you know it? The semester will be finished.
It is not easy being an adult, having responsibilities, and working on an education. Now that I am finished, Adam wants to get his MBA. I feel like we are never going to be free of student loans!
Take care hun.. and take a deep breath!